President Barack Hussein Obama? Barack... Hussein... Obama?!
I mean, sure, he's a charismatic speaker, accomplished legislator, and the living embodiment of the American dream. And as President, sure, he'd have the potential to unite Americans across racial and cultural lines behind a common-sense progressive agenda on diplomacy, health care, education, and environmental protection.
But that name! Let's face it folks, America would never, ever elect anybody with a name as funny as that! I even think it's fair to say that, just by pointing out his name, they've beaten him already!
A list of other unelectably ridiculous names, below the fold...
Obama, Obama, rhymes with Osama. Sen. Akaka, rhymes with caca. In Idaho, they're full of Crapo. Sen. Sununu, your name's a no-no. And who'd ever caucus for Senator Baucus?
Saxby Chambliss - boo and hiss. Your name's a no-go, Dick Pombo.
There'll be no frenzy for Senator Enzi.
Blagojevich and Kulongoski, are you kidding me? This is America not the frickin' Soviet bloc! Save your schadenfreude, unelectable Mr. Freudenthal.
With names like this, you'll surely be laughed right off the ballot: Flake, Boozman, Eshoo, Issa, Istook, Hooley, Shimkus.
Dutch Ruppersberger? Zach Wamp? Unelectable in America!
Chaka Fattah, why would you even think of entering politics with a name that sounds like a Muslim death warrant or an inept Palestinian faction? I don't even know if you're a man or a woman?
For that matter, who'd elect a president with a name like Millard Fillmore, which sounds like a kind of pillow stuffing? Herbert Hoover, which sounds like a way of cleaning up spilled ice cream? Or, for Chrissakes, Dubya Bush?
Or maybe, just maybe, Americans in 2008 are a little more accustomed to the diversity of names in our great country? Can we thank Oprah and Condoleezza? Can we thank NFL stars like Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala, D'Brickashaw Ferguson, Nnambi Asomugha, Chukky Obobi, Cory Lekkerkerker, Na'il Diggs, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, Plaxico Burress, and Antwaan Randle-El? Or baseball players like Boof Bonser, Heathcliff Slocumb, and Coco Crisp?
Frankly, my friends, it ain't 1950 anymore. Having a weird name might even be a plus in this day and age.
Run Obama run!