Nukes and News Media: Nothing Adds Up (with pool)

"Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"

-- Mugatu, Zoolander

I've been hearing that the News Media sensationalized the recent story about the "lost", "missing" thermonuclear weapons. The press comletely dropped it after a day and left a lot of questions unanswered. I can hardly see where they sensationalized anything. They couldn't wait to move on to something else. They were their usual, lazy, incompetent selves. No doubt they got facts wrong, and they're some pretty important facts!

If you do a Google News search for "Minot missles" or "B-52 Barksdale" or any other two words even loosely associated with the story, you'll mostly find dates of September 5th and September 6th. They dropped it. Cold. I did those searches, confirmed that the story has been all but abandoned, but came up with something that's a bit more disturbing. Was it five nukes? Or six nukes? A day before the anniversary of September 11th, 2001, was it five nukes or six?

Flip with me and I'll show you what disturbs me, but evidently DOES NOT disturb our news media.

Washington Post, United States - Sep 6, 2007 By Josh White

An Air Force B-52 bomber flew across the central United States last week with six cruise missiles armed with nuclear warheads that were...  

USA Today - Sep 5, 2007 By Michael Hoffman

Military Times A B-52 bomber mistakenly loaded with five nuclear warheads flew from Minot Air Force Base, ND, to Barksdale Air Force ...

NPR - Sep 5, 2007 NPR.org

A US Air Force B-52 bomber was mistakenly loaded with six nuclear warheads and flown for more than three hours across the ...

Scotsman, United Kingdom - Sep 5, 2007

A UNITED States Air Force B-52 bomber was mistakenly loaded with five nuclear warheads during a flight from North Dakota to Louisiana, it emerged yesterday. ...  

AFP - Sep 5, 2007

An air force official, who also asked to remain unnamed, said the B-52, which originated at Minot Air Base in North Dakota, had six cruise missiles with ...

Shreveport Times, LA - Sep 6, 2007

According to a story by Military Times, a Gannett publication, the B-52 flew 3½ hours from Minot to Barksdale with five W80-1 advanced cruise missiles. ...

(all emphasis, mine)

I could go on and on and on and on. Fuck! The difference between five and six is usually not so important. I normally wouldn't think anything of it. In this case IT'S A GOD DAMNED THERMONUCLEAR DEVICE! Now, before anyone accuses me of pulling a Maccabee here, note that I have not mentioned Ir*n. Note that I'm upset with the news media and the conflicting information the Air Force has released. Ask yourself, if you were a reporter, isn't this the sort of discrepancy you'd want to clear up before moving back to the Pretreus report or Britney at the MTV awards?

Ask yourself, if there was a missing nuke, is that the sort of thing the Air Force would jump out and tell us? Tell the World? Would you want them to? If some messianic, apocalypitic Christian version of General Jack D. Ripper decided to protect our precious bodily fluids by taking out Sodom or Gomorrah (pick any major U.S. city), would they tell us? Who knows? MAYBE SOMEONE IN THE NEWS MEDIA NEEDS TO CLEAR THIS UP!

So many other things about this story don't add up and our News Media doesn't seem interested in making them add up. Supposedly the cruise missles were being transported to Barksdale Air Force Base to be decommissioned because that's what they do at Barksdale Air Force Base with cruise missles. Now, forget about the nukes (since we don't know how many of the fuckers there were anyway). Every single present and former Air Force Weapons Specialist we've heard from says that transport is done in the cargo hold of a military cargo aricraft like the C-130 or the C-5A, specifically NOT on a B-52 bomber (never) and damned well NOT on the weapons pylons on the wings of a B-52 bomber (ever). Air Force Weapons Specialists get pretty animated in making this point. They don't think it's even remotely possible that this was a mistake. If you were a reporter, wouldn't you want to find out what the deal is? Find out if the whole missle-decommissioning thing was a hurriedly concocted story put out by some Air Force Information Officer?

It would be pretty easy. "Yes, General, why were the missles transported for decommissioning on the weapons pylons of a B-52 bomber when your own weapons people say that is never done?"

None of the answers I've seen to any of these questions make things add up. The information we presently have is like Sam Loyd's "15 puzzle"

It can't be solved by sliding the squares around. And anyway, there's no one sliding the squares around.

I've had people tell me I'm suggesting the "Broken Arrow" scenario. Listen: The movie was ridiculous. They stole a nuke... for money? No. People do rational things for money. You don't steal a nuke for money. You become CEO of an energy corporation for money. You start an internet gambling operation for money. You become a lobbyist for money. You steal a nuke because God wants you to kill someone. God wants you to kill a lot of someones. Jesus is wanting to return, but he can't until you wipe out all the sinners in [major U.S. city]. (note: still no mention of Ir*n)

In the comments, if there are any, please try to clear some of this shit up for me, because I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. The News Media isn't interested in doing that. Oh yeah. The pool.